If you have been feeling frustrated, agitated, or anxious, you’ve likely been considering setting some boundaries. Whether that is with yourself, with the people you love, or with people you interact with on a daily basis, this seemingly simple act can actually prove to be quite difficult to establish and maintain. I hope this message encourages you to evaluate your boundaries and why you wish to set them in the first place. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Boundaries were never expressed during my childhood and it lead to a very complicated world view where I often thought I had to do things for others in order to be considered good (usually for the sake of trying to impress God, as any good Catholic school girl would, but I digress). As backwards as it may sound now, being perceived as good was also how I determined whether or not someone loved me. Often times my needs went unmet as I held space for others. Lines were blurred and I took on the mother-role at a very early age. I derived my identity and my value from letting others use my kindness for their benefit. It started out harmless at first, and then the universe decided I needed a wake up call. After the message to set boundaries failed to land multiple times, I distinctly recall an ex-partner telling me “there are no boundaries between us” and suddenly, I was awake. No boundaries? I thought to myself, That can’t be healthy for a relationship… How do I change this?
Once that relationship came to an end, I realized it was time for me to establish who exactly I was and what I needed so I could better communicate with a potential future partner, and more generally, with others. I was at my breaking point and I didn’t want to repeat the same cycle over again. That message was clear. If I didn’t have boundaries for myself, how on earth could I expect my clients to set healthy boundaries with the people in their lives? If I didn’t have boundaries for myself, how could I even hold space for others or allow myself to tap into spiritual realms of exploration? If I didn’t have boundaries for myself, do I even love myself?!
Throughout my own healing journey, I came to realize the importance of boundary setting is connected to the following 7 key aspects of wellbeing:
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